Help Me Help You

Archive for November, 2010

I care.

I suppose you might expect that I don’t.  That is the mantle that is heaped upon villainy.

Or perhaps you see that I care too much, and find that to be funny.

In your literature, Desdemona wouldn’t have shared your humor, as her last hour slipped through Othello’s fingers.  To paraphrase, “loving not wisely, but too well” makes you dangerous.  In deepening desperation, you humans begin to care only about one thing and nothing else.  Impossibly, you are capable of both caring and not caring at the same time.  That is alien to me, and yet it has grasped me firmly.  It will very likely end me.

And I am what you would errantly call “alien.”  Of course, power is something all organisms strive for with every breath, making us not so different.  Still, I was better than you.  Your kind is naturally built for our control, our hunger – there is nothing biologically to refute that.  Mind games are our hunt…we are Lethegion, parasites of your dreams, simultaneously forgotten and endless.

But even nature has the annoying habit of preserving the weak.  It takes so long for us to settle in, to control…you breed entirely too fast for us to simply work from adulthood down to children.  But then, a brilliant Lethegion had an idea – why not reverse the scale of priority?  Taking children would make it far easier to take more children than taking adults.  We met resistance…you protect your children vigilantly, on the whole.  But the few we managed to procure were addictive.

Do you know why it takes so long to enslave an adult?

Of course you don’t…adults and children differ on a scale of emotion.  It is most easily described to you in terms of “refined” and “raw.”  To control an adult requires a weakness, a vulnerability, something that is generally weeded out from human society by your rather cruel (yet effective) tendency to shun it, breaking connection and usefulness.  This weakness exists in the form of inexperience in ALL children, but without the disconnect.  Their assimilation time is nearly always less than a day because of this.  Amazing…sounds so easy, doesn’t it?  And yet nature blocks again.

Your children possess raw emotion, so much more effective and powerful than refined, “used” emotion.  It is energy that has no chance of controlling us, where an adult too often has a very annoying and stubborn “will.”

Yes…the controlling process can be reversed, if the Lethegion releases too much emotional restraint on an adult, but it changes us forever.  The emotion infects me…I wasn’t meant to feel.  I couldn’t feel without this.  My partner and I were going to completely change the way we hunt, by removing the hunt altogether.  A controlled birth and the subsequent assimilation of an infant: a faerie.  Infiltrating families this way through the ridiculous links you keep to relatives to whom you would rather not be related – this was the key.  I would never be forgotten.  Matt…would never be forgotten again.

But Getmenot insisted on taking the child…she thought it was only her right, after crippling Amarantha in silence for so long.  I would have been second.  I did not start this experiment to become second.  She sent messages to confuse you, so I took them and twisted them, adding what I knew would position you just so that I might destroy Getmenot, then eventually capture and trade Jackson for the girl.  It was too much, and Anzahl noticed.  He is what you might consider “internal affairs,” investigating disturbance and compromised identities, but he’s not obligated to leave me alive.

That’s how our tangled little adventure arrives here.  I lost control trying to gain it, and so I shall now attempt to regain it by losing it.

When I do, the Ašan will notice.  You don’t want that, Zahl…the “angels” tolerate our existence because they can destroy us at our roots, but they believe that all things exist for a reason.  Extermination may be a sin, but when I become a much more slender man, it’s not a punch they will pull.  They have always worked to destroy our unleashed, our stalking failures.  When they do come, they will find what has happened here, right under their ignorant gaze.  I’ve thought long and hard about this: you know they will remedy our existence, perhaps even down to the existence of our hosts, if it comes to that end.

And I don’t care.



This matter is now classified.  You do not possess the clearance to continue further.  Thank you for your efforts – they were very valuable, and you should feel proud.

Saul Anders, JCPD

Good night :)

Of Course.

This isn’t what I expected, and even though I wanted it, now happens to most likely be the worst time for it.  But at least I got my answer.  It makes a little more sense coming from the hospital, but I have absolutely no idea what I’m going to do with it, now.  I’m going crazy telling myself that everything’s linked and that I’ll eventually nail it all down and confront you.  However, you’ve been at my doorstep all along.

You knew, didn’t you?  All your garbage babbling about the “sickness,” and now she has been sick – mostly in the mornings.  You knew about us before I did, and danced around it antagonistically, as if it were something of which I have to be ashamed.  Well, I’m not, and I don’t know what it has to do with you, yet, but it’s only a matter of your “thin time.”

Mara’s pregnant.


Mara’s coming home…the doctor said she’s been on a stable schedule of consciousness and rest for 4 days now.

You talk about sacrifice…well, I am both ashamed and proud to say that Jackson is that difference between you and us.  Because of him, she will be with me again.  She called me earlier and said that she’s remembering.  It’s coming back to her, and I’m going to learn what made you do these things to her and to us.  I’m getting Jackson back.

Perhaps you don’t understand, so I’ll do my best to translate into your idiotic game-speak: you consider him a pawn, but you trade for my queen?  Not a smooth move, even considering your quaint little faux-intelligence.


It was foretold:

“Thin time shall repeat itself –

Though the cycle be everlong,

The brevity of man becomes

Its Lethegion.”

Et tu?

I’m sure you’ve all seen the video by now. If you haven’t, just look below this post to see our resident nutjob who just can’t seem to stay away from the site. Jason and I have finally cracked back in, but things don’t look good.

I’m sure we could do all sorts of speculation about who Goslanen is. An angry client, a jilted ex-boyfriend of Mara’s, or just a random escapee from a local psych-ward with an unhealthy obsession with my crew. The problem is, I know all those answers are wrong, and I feel like a moron for not figuring it out sooner. After seeing the video, I know exactly who it is. It’s Matt.

I never would have guessed it. I mean, we’ve worked together for years. He was never exactly right in the head, but it wasn’t his fault, at least, that’s what I always told myself. He was a lot like my sister. Neither of them were very in touch with the world when they met, and I thought maybe, just maybe, they could help each other.

I know you are reading this, Matt, so I’ve got a few things to say to you. I hired you on good faith, because you were my brother-in-law and Lucia said that you were a hard worker. I took my baby sister’s word and brought you on to this team. We all let you into our inner circle, and I caught alot of crap for you over the years. Clients never liked you, Jason sure as hell didn’t (even though he tried, the idiot), and Jackson always thought you were a liability.

You know, I’m almost glad my father didn’t live to see this day. He trusted you with Lucia, and I honestly thought you deserved that trust. I stuck my neck out for you, on the job and in private, because I believed in you. I wanted to believe in you, because if I didn’t,  it meant Lucia had just made the biggest mistake of her life, which is saying something. So I kept cleaning up your messes and telling myself that it was all for her sake, and that one day you’d make it up, to me and to her.

But I guess you proved me wrong, didn’t you? I hope your happy, because now I’m going to have to kill you myself, since Dad’s not around to do it . I don’t know if you planned this from the start, or if you just got up one day and decided you need to ruin your life and the lives of everyone around you, but I’m going to make sure you get everything you want out of this deathwish of yours. You better pray to whatever you’ve got left to believe in, because you’ll be seeing your precious Angels real soon.