Help Me Help You

Archive for December, 2010


Wow, time does fly! The holidays are barely over, and we already have a job! Or had, maybe I should say, since we finished it last night. An old woman was convinced that her dog was haunting her, so we came right in to ease her fears, which of course were completely unfounded. Silly female! Usually we wait to release results, but this was open and shut. But, Frank says we need the monetary compensation, so we soldier on! At least we have the solace of a job well done. Until later!


Merry Christmas!

Seasons Greetings, everyone!

We hope you all have a exceptional Christmas, from all of us to you! To think, we have been together  for four years now. Time really flies, doesn’t it?

So Overtly Serious

I am on a trip. I do not know when I will be back. But I will get much work done, I think. Please do not contact me, I will be fine. Everything is fine.


Hey everybody, a few random issues to go over.

First off, we’re still on an indefinite hiatus when it comes to investigations. Jason still can’t get all the equipment working for some reason, even though I thought he fixed it. The cameras are technically “workIng”, but they won’t pick up anything but static.

Next, some of you noticed an issue with the site’s about page. I’ll fix that in a little bit, but first I’ve got to ask a question of my own. A lot of you are telling me that Matt’s name is missing from the team categories. All I can say about that is, who the hell is Matt? At first I thought you were just mis-spelling Mara’s name, but if that’s the case you’ve all got the same problem. Is there something you guys/gals need to tell us?

Finally, the elephant in the room: Yes, Jack is still pursuing the Slender-Man project, and I’m fine with it as long as he doesn’t take up my time about it. Pump him for questions all you want, nothing’s going to come of it anyway.

Fresh Mental Leverage!

Everything is normal!  This was only an experiment, really.  And most of us are pleased with the result, meaningless as it may seem.  Ever skeptical, we have debunked this one.  Now, we will resume our normal routines, as it is unnecessary to talk about it, anymore.

Zany as jack seems, he’ll come around.  Have no fear! Let’s tackle a new case!

For Science!

Greetings and Salutations.

Jackson speaking, and it feels good to go back to normal. I know I’ve been coming off as a bit pretentious for awhile now, and I’m glad to finally drop the act.  So, if you read over Frank’s last post, you’d see that we’ve gone public about the fact that this was all one big hoax, and yeah, I know it wasn’t a very good one. Look, to be perfectly honest I’m a skeptic, but I wanted this Slender-man to show up. I really did. I even hoped for it, for awhile. I know how crazy and suicidal that seems, given the myths surrounding him/it, but you know, it would have been fascinating to study it.  As the great Zach Weiner once said, “You can justify anything if you scream ‘For Science!’ loud enough.”

So, as you can tell from Frank’s post, he’s kind of down about how this all turned out. He and the rest of the team are ready to give up. Well, I’m not yet. I’m going to keep going. My research has led me to believe this thing actually exists, there is just too much to ignore. So I’m going to strap on my helmet and scream that death-defying motto at the top of my lungs until every ghoulie, ghostie, and long-legged beastie in the continental United States sits up and takes notice. I’ll post my findings here as a side-bar from time to time, to keep everyone updated on whether I’ve been eaten alive or not.

To Frank: I know you don’t approve. I know you want me to give up. But I’ve known you long enough that I can ignore your sage advice once in awhile and survive it. I think you are wrong this time, friend, and I’m going to prove it to you.

Coming Clean

Hey everybody. So, you know that look that a kid gives you when you catch him with his hand in the cookie jar? I’m wearing that look right now.

Some of you guys may remember awhile back that Jackson handed a challenge out to you cats out there on the internet, that he was going to disprove the existence of Slender Man. Ever since then, everything’s gone to hell in a hand-basket, what with brain-bugs and kidnappings and sudden pregnancies. Things are pretty intense, except for the fact that 90% of it has been a lie.

Yes, we lied to you all, from Day One on. I don’t feel proud of it. You see, around the time Jason started watching those videos, Jack came up with this crazy idea: What if we tried to, well, call this thing. You know, actually try to get it to show up. How amazing would it be for our careers if we could get some footage? We knew it was just a game and all, but it was funny to think “What if?” So we launched this whole “story-line”, doing some digging and trying to come up with a feasible reason for this thing to exist. Then we kind of threw it all out there and binged on as much Slender-Man related junk as we could. We haven’t put anything up for the past week because we got a little bit more proactive. We took a trip out to Denver and went hiking in the Rockies, occasionally splitting up so as to isolate ourselves. Jackson even ran around screaming Slender-facts as loud as he could to try and attract attention. We got plenty of odd looks and a nice talking to from a Park Ranger, but no supernatural phenomenon.

So, I come to you, hat in hand, to tell you I’m truly sorry for misleading you. I’ll be keeping this blog around and we’ll post some of our exploits from time to time, but I had to come clean. For now, I guess there really are no angels, heh.